Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
