the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I want to fling myself into the sun
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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