He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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