I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
