I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize