Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
