He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
