I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
