What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
