I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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