The maid of honor just puked.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
