i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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