Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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