She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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