Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
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the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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