I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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