He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
