Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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