somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
