If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
