No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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