when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
