I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
and she was petting her beer can
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i need some magic done to my vagina
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
