morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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