i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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