Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
