My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
