He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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