I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just forgot I was standing up.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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