She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
