Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
