Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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