UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
me + whiskey = a bad person
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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