Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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