once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
