Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
