you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.