I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
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I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
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The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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