Define "chronic" masturbator.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
It can also be a hat.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.