singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
