i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.