I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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