Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
