Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
