I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize