I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
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The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
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Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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