Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
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I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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