Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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