We won't sleep together?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
