She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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