I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
