Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
