In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We are two peas in an std pod
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
