definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
