I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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