If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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