Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
