Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
