Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
