My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
