My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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