During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
