Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
