I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize