had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
