It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
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