found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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