I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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