U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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