we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
