This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
