One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
