dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
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I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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