she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
