Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
