Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
