"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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