theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
