i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
