there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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